‘I’m 33 and have never had an orgasm — what’s wrong with me?’

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Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble of Body + Soul answers your questions.

“I’m 33 years old and I’ve never had an orgasm. I’ve tried through intercourse and masturbation, but I can’t seem to get there.”

I have no problems getting aroused, but when the actual act begins the feeling is a let-down and it bores me. Is my mind just too busy with high expectations of the feeling itself, or could this be an actual physical issue?

Jo’s Answer:

You’re not alone. Many people – particularly females – get to the age of 33 or older without having had an orgasm.

For some, there might be an underlying medical condition, so it’s always worth talking to your GP about the issue. Some medications interfere with the body’s ability to climax, so that’s also worth exploring with your GP.

For people with a history of sexual trauma, sex can be understandably problematic, and therapy is recommended. But for most people who have never had an orgasm, there’s no underlying medical or psychological condition. The difficulty lies in not being able to relax enough or a fear of letting go.

If there is too much going on in your mind, it can be hard to focus your attention on the sexual stimulation. If you’re worried about the fact that you never climax, it can be hard for you to relax. My advice would be to try masturbating with a vibrator, focusing all your attention on your genitals.

At the same time, try to tense and then relax your pelvic-floor muscles and buttocks to increase blood flow, which can increase the chance of having an orgasm. Sometimes it’s easier to single-mindedly focus on your body if you’re concentrating on tensing and relaxing your muscles.

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